


On My Own

by CuriousJorgi



Category: Gundam Wing
Genre: Angst, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-16
Updated: 2017-02-16
Packaged: 2018-09-24 23:41:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,097
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9792227
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CuriousJorgi/pseuds/CuriousJorgi
Summary: Relena lives in a dream world when she is stressed.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Here is my second of my old Relena perspective song fic. I tried to stay in character as best I could, but sometimes I make Relena a little more annoying and Heero obsessed than maybe she should be. Also there is a hint of Heero and Duo being together, but you don't have to read it that way. Hope you enjoy.  
> Disclaimers: I don't own Gundam Wing or its characters or the Song "On My Own" which is from Les Miserables.  
> 'Italics' lyrics  
> ". . ." conversation

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On My Own

 

_'And now I'm all alone again_

_Nowhere to turn, no one to go to_

_Without a home without a friend_

_Without a face to say hello to_

_And now the night is near_

_I can make believe he's here'_

 

Often at night I like to take walks to relax after a tough day. Today was especially tough. Two of the nations I work with to keep the peace intact between the Earth and the Colonies were arguing over the new treaties. After hours of debate, everyone decided it was best to take a break and continue tomorrow morning with the negotiations. It is days like this I feel all alone, even with all the heads of governments and peace keepers around me. I do not have any friends around me, even though Une and Noin try. So I take walks to escape reality and have some me time.

 

_'Sometimes I walk alone at night_

_When everybody else is sleeping_

_I think of him and I'm happy_

_With the company I'm keeping_

_The city goes to bed_

_And I can live inside my head'_

 

On my nightly dream walks I pretend I am with Heero, the only person I have ever loved and been in love with. I pretend he is walking with me and all the troubles of my day just seem to melt away. I am in my own world and there are no troubles and no duties to worry about.

 

_'On my own_

_Pretending he's beside me_

_All alone_

_I walk with him till morning_

_Without him_

_I feel his arms around me_

_And when I lose my way I close my eyes_

_And he has found me'_

 

I will pretend Heero is walking with and I will talk to him as if he could give me advice to help with my troubles. Pretending he is there to help me with my problems often helps me find the real answers I am looking for. On cold nights or after especially long days, I pretend Heero takes me in his arms to warm me or ease my troubles. Pretending I am in Heero's arms relaxes me and warms my heart. He has been my savor in real life many times, but in my dream world he has saved me countless number of times. He has helped me find my way when I have felt especially lost and alone. He has been my beacon home.

 

_'In the rain the pavement shines like silver_

_All the lights are misty in the river_

_In the darkness, the trees are full of starlight_

_And all I see is him and me forever and forever'_

 

After I talk to Heero about my day, I pretend we are planning balls or parties for our friends. "Let's have a party next weekend, Heero. We can see how everyone is doing and help relax those friends of ours that work too hard."

 

"Like you, Relena," Heero would joke at me.

 

I also pretend we plan our wedding or honeymoon. "Would you like green and silver accents for our wedding colors?" or "How does a honeymoon in Hawaii sound?"

 

"Whatever you think is best, dear Relena." And in the starlit night, I can see Heero and I together forever. I know we will be together forever, even if it is not the way I planned and it is just as friends.

 

_'And I know it's only in my mind_

_That I'm talking to myself and not to him_

_And although I know that he is blind_

_Still I say, there's a way for us'_

 

I know this is just a dream world that I live during my walks. But still I know Heero and I will be together because I know he is my friend. I know he doesn't see me the way I see him. He is blind to the love and devotion I can and do give him. But I will continue to care and be his friend, most days it is enough. There is some way we will stay together.

 

_'I love him_

_But when the night is over_

_He is gone_

_The river's just a river_

_Without him_

_The world around me changes_

_The trees are bare and everywhere_

_The streets are full of strangers'_

 

I love Heero, and I always will. I tried after the wars to show him love, and he tried too. In the end, he left to work with Duo. I do not know if he loves Duo or if they are a couple. If Duo is what he needs for happiness, then I am happy. I know they have a successful and thriving

business. Duo calls at least once a month to tell me how they are and see how I am doing. He always offers help if I need extra security, "All you need to do is call us Relena babe, and we'll be there," Duo's voice cheerful tells me. I do not know if he calls because he feels sorry for me, or because he and Heero truly worry about me. When these thoughts enter my head, I know my dream walk has ended and it is time for me to head back home. Often when I come to reality from my dream world, I do not recognize where I am and am lost all over again.

 

_'I love him_

_But every day I'm learning_

_All my life_

_I've only been pretending_

_Without me_

_His world would go on turning_

_A world that's full of happiness_

_That I have never known'_

 

I walk home, back in reality and know that I will always love Heero and I will always pretend we have the future I want us to have together. Each day I tell myself that I will get over Heero and move on. I will stop pretending things will be what they never can be. I only allow myself to think of him and pretend he is around on my dream walks now. I know in reality he is happy with Duo. They live in a world of happiness that I do not, cannot, and never will live in.

 

_'I love him_

_I love him_

_I love him_

_But only on my own'_

 

I love Heero, and I know no matter what I tell myself, I always will love him. I know I will continue to love him and pretend he loves me on my dream walks, when I am alone and on my own. My dream walks are my world, and there I will always love Heero.

 

The End


End file.
